Temporal Anomalies
by Yavannasgrandmom
Summary: An explanation of Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome, combined with a retelling of the fairy tale "Rumplestiltzken" with Erica in the title role. David and Anna. Erica. Babe. And others. Set near the end of the baby switch storyline.
1. The Contract

_Author's note:_

_This story is my humorous (hopefully) answer to the "Rumplestilskin" Fairy Tale fanfic challenge on the DNA fanfiction list, as well as an explanation of the odd aging of younger characters on AMC (known as SORAS by fans)._

_Erica agrees to help Babe in an effort to keep custody of Ace away from JR. But there's a catch. David tries to solve the mystery to help Babe, but he can't do it alone... The events in this tale use recent incidents and characters on AMC, especially in the babyswitch storyline, (as it stood at the end of 2004) combined with speculation on where it was going at the time, and my own imagination. Plus, a good deal is borrowed from the Brothers' Grimm.:-) I began writing it in October 2004, and halfway through "Ace" became "Baby James" so I had to scramble to explain that. But that's why the baby is "Ace" early on._

_DISCLAIMER: Characters belong to AMC and ABC and M-I-C-K-E-Y and I  
am messing with them for fun and not profit. So there. ;-)_

_--------------------------_

Babe stared at the paper before her, trying to comprehend the words. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"But... Miss Kane... the whole reason we were doing this is to keep JR from getting custody of my beautiful little baby boy... "

"Yes, dear. None of us want Adam and JR to raise your beloved baby! He needs a loving, caring home." Erica's unlined face smiled brightly and she tossed her hair.

"But... " Babe sat down, and read over the paper again. "But... this says that if you help me out this last time... I need to sign over custody of Ace to YOU!"

"No, dear. To Bianca. After all, don't you agree Bianca is a wonderful mother?"

"Yes, she's the best," said Babe. "But... this is _my_ baby."

"And," pressed Erica, too-white smile still frozen on her face. "You love your baby, so you certainly don't want him raised in the Chandler household! Adam has agreed... one more round of stock picks like the last two, and he and JR permanently give up custody!"

Tears spilled from Babe's eyes. "It's all my fault. I ... I meant to tell Bianca about Miranda earlier. I really did. And now she hates me. And you hate me..." Silent sobs shook her frame.

"Oh NO, dear!" Said Erica with mock sympathy, patting Babe's hand. "Don't be silly. I'm not totally _heartless_ you know. Did you see the special clause in the contract?" She flipped to the last page. "There. See? Just guess my true age in 72 hours, and you get to keep your little Ace."

"Oh!" said Babe, brightening. She brushed away the remains of her tears and beamed a smile. "You weren't really serious, then! My daddy is sure to know your real age." She took the pen from the smiling Erica, and signed.

"Wonderful, dear," said Erica. She handed Babe a packet. "Tell Adam these are the companies to invest in TOMORROW morning. He must sell by the afternoon. Got it?"

"Yes," said Babe. "Just like the last two times. Oh, Miss Kane, you've REALLY helped me out so much! I didn't know what to do after my mama bragged that I could pick winning stocks. I know she only did it to buy time, so JR wouldn't go for full custody. But... without you... I wouldn't have been able to hold him off. After this, I'll have my beloved little boy to keep FOREVER!"

Babe threw her arms around Erica and hugged her tightly. With smile still frozen, Erica gave a quick squeeze back. "I'll be back in 72 hours for your 'guess' my dear. And then, when you give me the right number, we'll just tear up the contract... unless," she added with a friendly laugh, "you can't guess correctly."

Babe walked Erica to the door, and waved cheerily as Erica got in her car. As she returned to the house, Babe pulled out her cell phone.

"David?" she asked, after David's 'hello'. "I need just one more little thing..."


	2. Call for Help

"Damn." David stared at the computer screen, gave a final click to the mouse, and sat back.

"Damn," he said again.

None of this made sense. Babe's request was simple enough. Okay, it was weird. But so were the other requests. Botox? A prescription for Botox? But Babe had tearfully explained her predicament, and Erica's demand. David was irritated with Krystal for starting the whole problem (again), and had a feeling Erica wasn't going to let it go with the quiet Botox arrangements. But he'd come through. Babe had seemed upset the next week, and David suspected another problem. Sure enough-- that one was a biggie. He'd enlisted Greenlee's help -- and Erica had gotten Enchantment back. David was braced for the worst, but this last request seemed the simplest-- and if they carried it out, they had a legal document ending this blackmail, and Adam and JR would leave Babe and her child alone, permanently.

Just find Erica's true age.

David clicked open another file on the computer. He ran his tongue across the inside of his cheek as he stared at the medical record. It made no sense at all. According to this, her age was 15 during her physical in 1970. That didn't seem right-- she ought to have been younger. But another document put her age as 22 in 1970... which would make her... a lot older than he thought. He shuddered, remembering when they'd dated.

He needed more records and more information, but he didn't have the inside help he needed to get them. He needed a PI's help.

Who could he get in Pine Valley? Tad was out. Not only was he stupid and clueless, and a pain in the ass to boot, but he hated David, and all this might get him too close to certain other information. Aiden? Er.. no, Aiden hated him as well, and the last thing he needed was Aiden snooping around this whole situation. Who in Pine Valley had investigative skills and abilities and didn't hate him (or have cause for revenge)? There had been Jilly, whom David had brought back four times on the operating table. He'd been  
a good cop, a good investigator, but a lousy heart patient. Take your meds and keep to a low cholesterol diet, David had told him. But Jilly had not been able to make the break with McDonalds. That fifth cardiac arrest did him in. "How hard is it to pass on the Big Mac?" thought David sourly. "You really messed me up. Damn you, Jilly."

David turned his eyes to the phone. Erica was being Vengeful. Adam and JR were pure evil. And Babe was in trouble. The information needed to ensure baby Ace stayed with his momma was impossible to get.

He knew whom he needed to call.

For over a year he'd thought about making the call, for other reasons, but something always put him off. Now he had no choice. He picked up the receiver, and pausing only a moment, dialed the overseas number.

"Anna..."

There was silence on the other end of the phone for thirty long seconds.

"David?"

"Yeah... Anna. I .. need your help."


	3. How Hard Can it Be?

Anna chewed her fingernail absently as she stared out the airplane window at the milky black of the night sky. She wasn't even sure why she was here, flying back to Pine Valley. She should have told David  
to forget it-- she wasn't going to help. But any resistance was a lost cause as soon as she allowed him to begin speaking.

That voice. The one that could bring a smile to her face and an ulcer to her stomach at the same time.

She'd avoided getting any specific news from Pine Valley after she left. She'd kept in touch with Aiden, but he knew not to fill her in on the goings on in Pennsylvania. Other than finding out "who done it" in the Michael Cambias case, she wasn't interested. She'd had enough of the chaos, the lies, and the pain. She'd moved in with Robin for awhile, then she got her own apartment. In Paris. Plenty to do in Paris. Plenty of things normal people do in a big city. But no run ins with people with multiple personalities. No murders  
where all her friends were suspects. Despite being a large European city, compared to Pine Valley, it was relatively quiet. Normal.

Boring.

She sighed and shook her head slightly. Pine Valley was probably the only place in the world so chaotic as to make Paris seem boring. Well, Port Charles had it's moments. Maybe it was something weirdly American.

David had tried to explain on the phone, but she'd been more confused the longer he spoke.

The daughter had been a shock. Why, she didn't know. She'd known others with surprise adult children who had shown up on their doorsteps. Actually, there seemed to be a lot of that in Pine Valley. She thought a moment of her year and a half in Paris. Nope. Not once. But this meant that Leora had a sister-- and part of her reason for jumping on a plane rather than trying to help from overseas had been to see that sister. Part of the reason.

"Wow..." she'd said after David told her. "how old is she?"

"Twenty. I mean... well... let me think... I think she's twenty one."

"You're not sure?"

"Um..." David was silent on the phone, thinking. "It would be twenty one now. I think."

He didn't sound drunk. Seemed odd he wouldn't know his daughter's age.

"And how long have you known?"

"About seven months."

"And... she's in trouble because of a custody dispute, right?"

"Yes-- she married JR Chandler--"

"J.R. Chandler?" cut in Anna. She tried to figure out how old JR was about now. That must have really irritated Adam-- JR was only about 18.

"Yeah, and that kid has turned into a real Adam Junior. He's pulling all his dad's nasty tricks. He _drugged _her, he tried to blackmail her, he tried all sorts of things to get custody of Bess--"

"Bess. I thought you said she had a boy."

"She did," said David. "... it's a long story. Um... "  
There was a silence on the phone for a moment. Okay, David, she thought. Think up your cover story. I'll figure it out when I arrive.

"There was sort of a mistake--" said David after a moment. "... and - - now Babe didn't know this-- she got Bianca's baby, and hers was kidnapped for awhile. She thought he was dead--"

"I thought you said she didn't know the girl baby wasn't hers--"

"She didn't at first-- she found out later... Anna, it was a mess, but it's all straightened out now. Except-- Erica is holding a little grudge-- and JR is trying to ruin the life of the little boy and make him into an Adam the third-- so we have to--"

"Oh, little three piece suit stretchie, eh?"

"Anna, this isn't funny."

"Okay-- okay. So... right now you have a situation where JR and Adam will agree to give up custody, but now Erica is trying to get custody... of ..."

"Ace. I mean James. They renamed him James after Jamie Martin--- "

That had to irritate David, Anna thought. She assumed JR had done the renaming. He seemed to adore his little brother Jamie.

"...So yeah..." David went on. "-- Erica will take James unless we can figure out her age."

"David, this is weird. It has to be a joke."

"Anna, believe me, I wish it were. And I thought it would be easy to get Erica's age..."

"Yes, you told me all that." said Anna a little shortly. "Look-- I'll get a flight out there -- you have about thirty six hours left, right?"

"Yeah-- Babe signed this contract-- she thought Erica was joking, and--"

"Okay...never mind that. Erica probably had someone fix a few age related documents. I'm sure there are other ways we can sort this out. Looking at her children's birth certificates, for one... I'll see what I can find on this end before my flight. I'll call you from Philadelphia International when I get in."

"Anna... thanks."

"Sure," said Anna with a sigh.

She'd arranged her flight, and sat down at the computer to do a little digging. Detective work was definitely not David's strong point. He ought to have asked Aiden for help, but from what he'd told her, he and Aiden were not on good terms again. Still, how hard could this be?

After an hour of searches, password hacks, and multiple conflicting windows of information on her screen... she was hooked. This _was_ weird. None of it made sense. The more she looked, the more  
confusing it got. Maybe things would be clearer once she got to Pine Valley.


	4. As Time Goes By

Anna looked past David's surprised form standing in the doorway, and surveyed the cabin. It hadn't changed at all. It was as though no time had gone by.

"Anna--" said David, " I thought you were going to call from Philly. I'd have picked you up--"

"Can I come in?" she said, fighting a smile at his nonplussed expression.

He stepped aside and waved her in.

Same red plaid throws on the same chairs. Same everything... but...an added photo in a frame on the mantelpiece. She crossed to it and looked at the blonde young woman in the picture. She was taken aback by the eyes. They were David's-- or Leora's.

"Is this..."

"That's Babe. Her real name is Arabella."

"Mmm." Anna set the frame down. "I had some more calls to make, and a few things to pick up, so I thought it would be easier to rent a car and drive myself around". She sat down at the computer. "Show me what you've got."

David stood a moment longer, looking at her. It had been 543 long days since she'd walked out that door. Sometimes it seemed longer. After the first few months, he didn't expect ever again to see her walk back in.

"Ah-- here..." he clicked open a file. "I have the conflicting information I gave you when we spoke on the phone. I did check  
Kendall and Bianca's birth certificates after I spoke with you-- and that made things even more strange."

"Tell me about it," said Anna emphatically. "I looked up that information as well. I found stats of a Birth Certificate for  
Kendall from 1969--"

"Yeah, I got that too. It surprised me. I thought she was only in her mid to late twenties."

"--but," Anna went on. "When I tried to find current records, it showed her birth as 1976. And the ink looked blurry, as though it was fading. In fact, it looked as if the number might have been 78 instead of 76. It was quite unclear."

"So-- Could Erica be messing with this stuff-- to throw us off? Seems like an awful lot of trouble for her to go through for a  
little revenge. And quite frankly, I didn't think she had the brains or ability to do this sort of thing."

"It doesn't make any sense, David... and when I looked into Erica's wedding records--"

"-- that would be some heavy reading--"

"Very funny." Anna said dryly. "At any rate, the wedding records were even more confusing. Assuming a reasonable age, It's simply not possible for her to have been married as long as she was to each person, and as many times as she was, without being married to more than one person at the same time."

The door opened and Babe walked in, Jamie in tow.

"David-" said Babe anxiously "Do you have her age yet?"

"Not yet-- but -- " David began.

Babe's face fell. "We have less than a day left... I ... ," tears fell down her face and she sat heavily on a chair. "I should never  
have signed that contract-- it just seemed... all our problems would be solved so easily... it's all my fault." David and Jamie both went over to her.

"I said I'd figure this out, and I will," said David softly. Jamie put his arm around her. Anna watched intently, fascinated and  
curious.

David turned to her, 'Babe, this is Anna. She's can get information few other people can get. she's come to help us." He met Anna's gaze. "She's the best at this-- really."

Babe rose, and extended her had, smile returning to her face. She slid fingers across her eyes to wipe the tears aside. "Oh Anna-- I've heard about you. You came all the way over here to help us. Erica is trying to take my beautiful little boy away from me." The tears leaked out of her eyes again. "He's with Momma at the park right now-- Ace is the sweetest little thing, with the chubbiest cheeks and the brightest blue eyes you ever saw!" She dug in her purse. "Here's his picture. We renamed him James, but sometimes I still call him Ace. Its' such a cute little name. And having a real name AND a cute name is sort of a family tradition!" She tucked the picture back into her purse. "And I could think of no one better to name him after than Jamie," she turned and grabbed Jamie's arm, beaming up at him. "I still so wish YOU were his father!"

Anna stood watching the two, trying to process all the information just given her. Was that big silent guy... Jamie?

"And you are-- " she started, although she already knew the nearly impossible answer.

The big guy looked a little surprised. "It's me, Anna. Jamie Martin."

"Jamie... wow.. you got big."

"Oh, I've been working out. I'm on the football team at PVU"

Anna thought a moment-- Jamie was in college?

"Anna, are you going to be able to figure out Erica's age?" asked Babe hopefully.

"We're working on it" said David.

"Yeah... we.. we are almost there, I think..." said Anna thoughtfully. "David, may I speak with you?" She took David by the  
arm and led him back to the computer.

"How long have I been gone?" she asked him quietly.

He knit his brow at the odd question. He knew the answer-- 543 days... he glanced surreptitiously at his watch... six hours... ten minutes. "About a year and a half" he said. "Seems longer, though."

Anna's eyes narrowed. "It just might. Seems shorter to me." David's face darkened, but his reply was cut short as she put her hand on his arm. "David... how old... is JR Chandler?"

"Why? What is that impor--"

"Just humor me."

"He's ... I don't know... " David turned to Babe. "Babe, how old is JR?"

"He's 22."

"No, he's 21" said Jamie.

"No-- I think he's 22." said Babe. "Maybe 23"

"But I'm only twenty," said Jamie.

"I think you're twenty one," said Babe. "You never get carded."

"David," said Anna in a low voice. "Think-- it was just a year and a half ago I left-- Jamie was in high school--"

"Yeah, kids do grow up, Anna" said David sardonically. He didn't understand what she was getting at, and not understanding irritated him.

Anna sat down quickly at the computer and began typing rapidly. David looked over her shoulder. "Look. Look here, David. Look at the fluctuation in ages over the same time period-- here's Kendall, here's Bianca, here's Jamie, here's JR... look at this graph."

"Anna, I don't see your poin--"

"There's something weird going on here, David. In Pine Valley. Something to do with changes in Time."

"Oh yeah. Right. Next you'll be telling me Aliens visited you and gave you this info."

She opened her mouth to reply, and thought better of it. There were some things David would never understand.

"David, I'm serious. Look at this graph-- there are the years-- here are the events, and here are the ages of four PV kids. Well, young adults now."

David stared at her a long time. She watched his expression change from regular David to Doctor David. He studied her eyes and reached for her wrist to take a pulse...

"Stop it, David." she said shortly, yanking her wrist from his grasp. "I'm not sick. It's all here... look at the graph... the  
blue one is Jamie, the green one Kendall, and so on. Look at this data... I just can't figure out what to do with it..." she began  
speaking in a lower voice, as though to herself.

"You're really serious."

"I am."

He looked at her a moment longer, and the Doctor faded from his eyes, replaced by skepticism and a little anger. Jamie pulled up a chair behind her and began looking at the graph. "Wow... that's really weird," he said. "And..." Jamie slid his arm in and took the computer mouse. "If you layer this over the timeline of an event that unfolded... " Jamie looked perplexed. "That's not possible."

"Hey, that looks pretty," said Babe cheerfully, coming up behind them. "Can you make one of those bars pink?"

"But it is possible. It has to be," said Anna emphatically. "According to my time, I've been gone about a year and  
a half. But you were younger when I left - I mean more than a year and a half younger. There's some sort of temporal anomaly here in Pine Valley. And it's messing with people's ages. And I'm willing to bet... Erica knows what it is."


	5. Just Like the Song

David, Anna, and Jamie huddled around the computer, trying to make sense of the graphs. They brought up timelines of various occurrences in Pine Valley, and the lifelines of various Pine Valley residents. Each had a confused expression and knit brow.

"There must be a formula-- a formula that Erica knows-- to figure out how people in PineValley are aging-- some quickly, some slowly... and if you know it, I bet you can manipulate this somehow... to avoid the appearance of aging..." Anna's voice tapered off and the lines on her brow deepened.

Jamie shook his head. "I'm usually pretty good with computer stuff, but this is beyond me."

Anna shook her head.

David shrugged.

Babe sat on the couch and blew on her freshly painted nails to dry them.

"Well, it's kinda like math, isn't it?" she said. "I'm not good at math. Do you know anyone that's good at math?"

Anna shook her head. "This is far too complex-- you'd need a computer program of some sort just to--"

Jamie cut her off. "Babe, you're brilliant!" he said.

"I know," Babe said cheerfully, waving her fingers rapidly.

"I know just how to solve this," Jamie went on. "But... Hayward... you'll have to get rid of those red blankets.. and anything else red in the room..."

Forty minutes later, Jamie returned, a tall blonde teenager in tow. Her hair was tousled, and her eyes moved dartingly about the room, taking in everything but the people.

"You know Lily, Anna," said David, extending a hand to indicate the girl. "Jackson's daughter." He glanced at Jamie curiously,  
wondering why he'd brought in Lily.

Lily flinched ever so slightly at the motion of David's hand. "I don't like to touch people," said Lily matter-of- factly, looking  
over David's shoulder to the mantelpiece.

"Hello, Lily," said Anna cautiously, quietly checking to see if her cell phone was turned off.

"I remember you," said Lily, still staring at the mantelpiece. "You came to my school."

"You did?" David asked Anna quietly.

"Mmm-hmm" Anna answered. "And I know Lily is very good at math."

"And how exactly will that help us here--" began David darkly. He and Anna were speaking quietly, but Lily caught the words, glanced for the slightest second at David, then back at the mantle. "If you raise that 1.729 degrees then you won't have to balance the frame of that picture against the wall like that. It will stand by itself."

"Over here, Lily" said Jamie. "It's a puzzle. We're having trouble solving it."

"Oh, I'm good at puzzles, " said Lily, a smile widening on her face. She sat down at the computer and studied the screen a moment, hand on the mouse.

Anna leaned over and whispered to David. "Wow... I don't remember her talking like this. Jackson's made a lot of progress with her..."

"I help Aiden with puzzles." Lily went on. "I'm his very good partner."

"Maybe too much progress," Anna said almost under her breath, causing a small smirk to flicker over David's face. She was silent a moment. "I'm going to have to have a talk with my nephew."

David, Anna, and Jamie watched Lily totally absorbed with the information on the computer. She tapped a few numbers on the keyboard, gave the mouse a few clicks. Despite his skepticism, David began to study the screen. All the figures made sense, but how on earth could Lily calculate all those variables?

Babe was trying to get the tilted picture on the mantelpiece to stay up. It kept slipping over.

"I said you need to raise the mantle 1.729 degrees." said Lily, not looking at Babe. "On the left side," she added . "Then it will  
stand up. You can't make it stand without leaning it unless you change the mantle. It's probably because the house has settled." She clicked the mouse a few more times, and smiled suddenly. "Here it is." she said simply.

"You figured out Erica's age?" said Babe suddenly, coming over to the computer.

"No. Do you want Erica's age? I can get that for you in a minute. But here's why the house has settled so much on that one side. See? The time is different there, in that corner."

"What?" said David incredulously.

"Yes-- just there. Actually, time moves pretty slowly in here."

"That explains a lot" muttered Anna under her breath. She moved closer to Lily, leaned in, and looked intently at the computer. "Yes- - yes." She said. When Lily flinched a little, she drew back. "Lily," she went on, "Can you explain this to me? This ... map.. you put over the other map of Pine Valley?"

"Yes," said Lily. "It's really simple. It's a map of temporal anomalies going through the town." She pointed at one green  
line. "See that? These are like waves, but they are time waves. In different parts of town, time speeds up or slows down. There is a pattern. And there..." she pointed to one area. "That's Wildwind. A big thread of fast time just went through there." She knit her brow. But not through all of it..."

Jamie leaned over. "Yeah, I see that now!" he said. "I think it just went through Maddie's bedroom."

"Lily," said Anna sweetly, smiling at the girl, whose eyes darted nervously to her face and away again. "Can you figure out this  
pattern? Do the time waves have any pattern at all?"

"Yes, " said Lily. "If you give me a minute I can get you the formula"

"And--" said Anna. "If someone had this formula... could they figure out a persons timeline? How old they would be?"

"Yes," said Lily. "If you know where the person was and what they were doing, you can figure out which threads were moving, you ought to be figure out how old they are. I can do this puzzle. I'll find the formula." A little self pleased smile flashed over her face, but her eyes remained intently on the screen.

"See," she went on. "I put me in there. There aren't any of the time disturbances where I went to school and my line is pretty  
straight."

"Can you put Jamie in?" asked Anna.

"Yes, here. See? A couple of big waves went through there... see the lines? His timeline is longer than mine, even though the actual calendar time in Pine Valley is the same. So there was some fast time in his timeline."

She stopped, her eyes widened, and she broke into a big smile. "I'm older than Bianca!" she said.

"What about Erica," said David suddenly.

Lily clicked the mouse a few more times. "Here. I can write down the formula for you, and you can figure out anyone's age," she said. "Erica's... hers is just like the song."


	6. Your name is Rumplestiltzken!

Less than half an hour left. David was humming. Anna was here, they had a plan, the riddle was solved, Babe would have her baby, and the song Lily had referred to was stuck in his head. He looked at Anna, who was studying the two photos on the mantle. He stopped humming.

Jamie had left to take Lily back home. Babe sat on the couch, this time painting her toenails. She was also humming, but what he wasn't sure. He saw Anna's eyes move from the picture to Babe.

Her thoughtful expression changed suddenly, seeing him looking at her. "So," she said quietly. "What's your cute little name?"

"What?"

"Babe said everyone in her family had a real name and a cute little name. I've heard you called quite a few names by people in Pine Valley, but I'm not sure I'd call any of them 'cute'."

"That's the other side of the family," growled David with a scowl. He wasn't angry, though. In fact, this was the happiest he'd been in ages. He glanced over at the corner of the hearth, and wondered again if time really flowed more slowly in the cabin.

Anna's eyes read him clearly, and a small smile flickered across her face. "You still are not sure this is real, are you."

"It's a little too sci fi for me. But" he shrugged. "The figures check out." He cocked his head studying the corner again. "And as  
long as it's what Erica believes, we've got --."

Three quick raps on the door cut him short. "Perfect" he said under his breath, and without knowing it, began humming again. He exchanged glances with Babe, who immediately cranked out a few tears and looked fretful. Anna elbowed him, and he stopped humming and tried to look grim.

"Hello, dear!" said Erica as Babe opened the door. Her usual bright smile was frozen on her face, and her eyes were cold.

"Come in Miss Kane" said Babe nervously, gulping, trying a small smile, and wiping a tear.

Boy, she's good, thought Anna. Ten emotions on the face within thirty seconds, and all a ploy.

Erica looked beyond Babe and nodded acknowledgment of David. Her eyes glinted a little as she saw his dark look. "David," she said. "And-" her smile widened slightly, looking almost like it would crack. "Anna! What a surprise. How nice to see you here."

"Anna's been informed of what's going on-" began David . "And-"

"And I think it's despicable," said Anna. "These papers-" she indicated the documents Babe had signed. "Will never hold up in  
court- they are not le-"

"Oh, I assure you dear, they are _most legal_" said Erica. "I've had my lawyers check them thoroughly. But certainly Babe here won't have a problem. We added a clause-"

"Yes, we know" said David. "you're age."

Erica's smile widened. "If you can tell me my true age, and prove it- then the entire contract is void." She looked at the nervous Babe. "In fact-" she said, beaming. "I'm feeling generous! I'll give you three guesses."

Anna caught the little flicker of victory in Babe's eye, which fortunately, was quickly covered by a tear. Babe looked with well  
played nervousness back at David and Anna. "Um... well... I had a little trouble finding the actual age-- but... forty three?"

Erica's smile flashed and she tossed her head. "No, dear. Try again."

Babe began to nervously shred the tissue in her hand. "Well... Bianca is like, twenty or something, right? And... and... I don't  
think you were as young as me when I had my sweet baby James... so... um..." Her eyes widened and tears glistened again.

Anna was awed. She had written this child off as a total ditz, apparently having her father's penchant for getting into trouble,  
but lacking his brains. Which, she supposed, was both good and bad. But... the way she was working Erica right now... she could have a career in the WSB. She and David both watched Babe keenly. Despite himself, David began humming again. Erica cast him a disparaging look, just as Anna elbowed him with a whispered "David!"

"Yes, David," said Erica imperiously. "MUST you do that?"

"What's the matter Erica?" he answered coyly. "Don't like the Beatles?"

"Please," said Erica with a dismissive smile. "The Beatles are fine, but you're no Paul McCartney. Spare your daughter the distraction."

David ran his tongue along his cheek, in an effort not to smile. Good thing Erica wasn't up on her Beatles's songs. But he stopped humming.

"Oh, let me think! let me think!" cried Babe, the tissue in tiny shreds. She ran to the table, and picked up a yellow tablet. "Can... can... I do some math?"

"Certainly dear," Said Erica. "Surely this can't be THAT difficult."

Babe leaned over the tablet and began to do simple sums. "If Bianca is...wait... and Kendall... how old is Kendall?"

Okay, thought Anna. This is too much, tone it down, tone it down...

"Forty FIVE?" asked Babe in a squeak. She "unconsciously" waved the pencil she'd used over the paper, causing Erica to look at the figures.

"No dear. One more guess. I do have a car seat in my car. You don't have to worry... little Ace will be well cared for. Bianca is an outstanding mother."

"But I get one more guess... let's see..." She began to scribble again. Erica leaned over the pad. David broke into a grin despite himself. Babe, as coached by Anna and Jamie, was writing out the Temporal Formula... and plugging in the correct figures from Erica's life.

"No..." began Erica half under her breath. She looked up at David and Anna, smile gone, fear flashing in her eyes. "...you... " She turned her gaze on Anna. "YOU did this... you helped her..."

"Hey, we've just been standing here!" objected David.

"Oh, my..." said Babe in an almost puzzled tone, her nasal voice rising. "Wow. You sure look good for your age."

Erica grabbed the paper away from Babe. "No. No one will_ believe_ this..."

"We have the formula, Erica," said Anna. "And all the figures check out."

"And- " said David, flipping open his cell phone. "I have an email here to Brooke at Tempo, ready to send-- "

"NOT BROOKE!" gasped Erica.

"Oh, come on, Erica," continued David. "This has to be good for business. 'Cosmetics Queen Erica Kane's Real Age Revealed.' Sales will go up. You surely don't LOOK--"

"--Sixty Four," continued Babe. Anna watched amazed at the change in Babe's face. She wore a wicked smile, head tilted slightly down, eyes looking up at Erica, bright and victorious. Anna glanced at David, and saw the same expression. Almost in unison, they tilted their heads back and looked at Erica through lowered eyelids.

"No!" Shrieked Erica. "NO!" She stomped her foot, breaking a heel. She picked up the broken shoe, a look of dignity returned to her face, and she tossed her hair. "I am NOT Sixty Four!"

"I dunno, Erica" said David. "These figures don't--"

Erica's eyes narrowed. "If you know where to position yourself, you don't age at the rate others in town do," she said. "So technically, one is not the age one seems if one goes by birthdates."

"Well," said Anna smoothly. "Technically, age is figured by birthdates, and therefore--" she picked up the contract. "Babe has  
fulfilled her part of the contract by figuring your birth year, but if you want to dispute it we could always take this to court and --"

"--make it very public," continued David.

The smile was long gone from Erica's mouth. She glared at both of them, then Babe. Grabbing the contract out of Anna's hands, she ripped it into tiny pieces. Without another word, she limped out of the cabin, slamming the door behind her. They heard her car screech down the driveway.

"Oh, Daddy!" shrieked Babe, flinging her arms around David's neck. "You did it!" David beamed. Anna raised an eyebrow. What had David done? Other than call her. Babe pulled back from David and flung her arms around Anna next. "Thank you, too, Anna," she said, gulping. "I can't believe you came all the way over from Paris just to help me and my sweet little baby boy--" She wiped a leaking tear. "And Jamie, wasn't he just the SMARTEST MAN? Everything is going to be so perfect now!"

Anna doubted this. After all, this was Pine Valley. But she decided not to dampen the mood.

Babe grabbed her purse off the couch. "I'm going to go tell Mama."

She bounced out the door, taking the talk with her.


	7. Epilogue

Two hours later, Anna was still in the cabin, and it was still fairly quiet. Both had a cup of coffee, and David sat on the couch,  
watching her. She was studying the pictures on the mantle yet again. She wondered if two hours had really passed.

"That was one of the stranger things I've experienced," said David finally.

Anna snorted a little laugh. "Hardly." she said. "You have a short memory."

"What's that supposed to-- "

She shrugged. "Strange and Pine Valley seem to go together," she said, cheerfully. Strange, she thought to herself. But never boring.

David waited another uncomfortable moment. "Um... are you-- going back to Paris? Tonight? I mean- as long as you're here, you could see Aidan, visit a few old friends."

She chuckled. "And wonder how old they really are."

She looked again at the corner of the mantle. Ten years-- she'd lost ten years of her life to amnesia. Now she knew how to get it back. And maybe get something else she'd lost back. She turned her eyes to David.

"I think I'll stay for awhile. Whatever," she continued wryly, "that means."

_The End_


End file.
